A Story of Self Discovery
Updated: Jul 5, 2021
"Be daring, be different, be impractical, be anything that will assert integrity of purpose and imaginative vision against the play-it-safers, the creatures of the commonplace, the slaves of the ordinary." -Cecil Beaton
Once upon a time in a little town called Balingup there lived a girl who was Lost. A girl who was actually not a girl at all, but a vampire, smothering her Vampire-self to blend in with the rest of the herd. She never bore her fangs at anyone, she only wore pink frills and she tried her very best to look happy doing normal-girl things in normal-girl ways, quiet, unseen and 'well-behaved'. Unfortunately when we amputate an important part of ourselves we become shadelike, existing as a half-self, powerless without knowing and living our personal truth. The smallest challenge or gust of another person's wind is enough to collapse the thinly built frame. There was another girl living in this town. A Wild-girl who danced fevered under the moonlight and wrote tall tales of creatures unimaginable, who punched boys and wore wigs and spoke thoughtfully and in steady tones of the truth, to any who would Listen. The two met and began to dance a spiral dance together, curiously sniffing each other out to see what mettle the other was made of. Closer they circled, slowly closing the space between, bare feet sounding a soft drumbeat of summoning upon the earth beneath the two. "What are you?" asked the Wild. "Nothing but what you see," said the Lost, so used to not being Seen at all. But the Wild-girl laughed a mirthless laugh, collapsing to roll atop the soil stamped by their feet, where their paths had crossed so many many times. The Lost-girl shied from the boldness of the Wild, though her heart raced with exhilaration under pink frills that didn't belong. The thundering beating distracted, internal rhythm having risen into alignment with their unwitting rite. The Lost gazed internally on the noise, finding her own Self clamouring against cage bars of her creation. "Is this why you laugh?" Lost asked disjointedly, surveying claw marked iron bars from safe distance. Wild didn't answer the stranger but instead strode towards the cage, barreling straight through the shade-like Lost who burst into a dispersing mist. Wild gripped the iron bars, a Puck like twinkle affecting her eyes as she locked gazes with the familiar but not-familiar Vampire-girl. The last of the mist settled into a rusted out padlock, it's metallic snap ringing throughout the chamber. It clanged loudly to the floor, dropping from Wild's hand. "What games shall we bring afoot?" Wild asked the Vampire, offering her hand in friendship and mischief as the cage door swept open wide
I spent much miserable time quieting the person I was, afraid of what others might think of me. Eventually I came to understand that you can never fully please and should never live for other people; the only person you can ever please is yourself. Only you can make you happy. Embrace who you are, beauty, flaws and scars. Love and forgive yourself. Challenge yourself to grow a little every day towards to kind of person you want to be. Be open but strong in yourself. Know that you don't owe anyone an apology or explanation. Breathe in a grounding breathe, open your eyes to what surrounds you. Listen, learn, share. Witness beauty; imprint it onto the mind and carry it with you always and then, when you are ready, share this beauty with others. Dance, howl, sing, laugh, cry, write. Care for, honour and celebrate yourself. One day, you may inspire others to do the same.
This post is dedicated to my dear friend, Nina Smith. FangSmith never would have been without a touch from your spark.
